When They Leave - 2016 (Poem)

When they leave and take everything you gave them,
When all your labor only planted seeds in their garden,
When it's all said and done…
going to sleep is the hardest part.

It reminds you how empty you are in the dead silence,
how suffocating it is when you try to breathe to stop from drowning,
how much space is left after you worked so hard to fill the position,
how sad you are when the lights go off and your defense mechanisms get weaker,
how useless you feel when there's no one to give yourself to...

After you set yourself on fire,
After you gave every once of energy,
After you bled yourself dry…

For someone who was broken and only felt better breaking you too.
For someone who drained your spirit and asked you to understand why.
For someone who harmed you and still wanted you to hold their trauma.
For someone who praised your power just to shame you for it.
For someone who would never try for you but still wanted you to give beyond capacity.
For someone who only ever needed you until they didn't.

You deserve rest.
You deserve peace.
You deserve someone else.